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August 18, 2004
Jazzy Remembered, Cindy Institutionalized
The complete lack of permalinks on Cindy Adams' NYP gossip column drives me batty -- but I think it's intentional. If there were permalinks, we could forever have access to yesterday's "Death of Jazzy" column, in which Cindy really loses her shit. It's like she's so old and senile that she's confused her column and her diary... "Where am I? Where am I writing? Feh..."
It was one year ago last weekend that the ranting biddy lost her beloved yorkshire terrier, Jazzy. You don't want to know the details, do you? Oh, you do? Well, good, Cindy can tell you: the dog died of bloody diarrhea -- which is pretty damn sick and sad, if you ask me, but not nearly as sad what's happened to Cindy since then: she's used her column to take down the unnamed dog trainers who, she feels, are responsible for Jazzy's death. Citizen justice, meet Cindy Adams.
posted by jessica at 05:48 PM | Comments (0)
August 09, 2004
Additional information of pseudo-pertinence
Then there's this. And suddenly everyone asks, "Who the hell is Jessica Coen?" Well, fuck if I know. Six years of therapy and I'm still as clueless as everyone else. Here's a hint: if you google my name, I'm not the junior livestock winner from 4H.
It's really nice to be let out of my shadowy closet, in which Choire has kept me locked for more than a few weeks. The rope burns were killing me! I've been training too: lots of drinking and no solids, showers or sunlight. It's been fabulous, really -- the pasty glow of blogging has taken my physical self to a new level of, uh, beauty.
Enough about that. Onward to, like, something else.
posted by jessica at 08:20 AM | Comments (8)
It's the new style
Or not. But we're working on that. In the meantime, huge thanks to Ben and Aaron for helping me get set up over here at the new domain. Now, as I try to tinker with aesthetics, I'm realizing many nights of CSS-induced tears await. Rock.
posted by jessica at 08:11 AM | Comments (0)
August 06, 2004
Wherein I went to a casting call and was made to feel "less than."
A friend encouraged me to go to an open call for a magazine, which we'll call X (how clandestine!), for a feature about a handful of newly transplanted New Yorkers who had moved in order to "chase the dream," or something similarly clichéd. Since I've been here for not even three weeks and I'm rather clichéd myself, my friend thought I'd be great for the article. I sent them a picture, they called, and shortly thereafter I found myself within the bass-pumping confines of a very haute studio.
Here's the part where you and I both start vomiting.
Having, in a past life, been a bit of a Hollywood whore, I was prepared: I had my best chatty-Cathy mentality and I wore enough makeup to look as if I had slept the night before. I dressed as "trendily" as my paltry wardrobe could afford and waltzed in a manner that allowed my hair to blow in an alluring way. I was ready. I even showered.
That is, of course, until they asked for my measurements. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Oh, you're not? Then fuck you, X Magazine, with your insipid questionnaire and attractive homosexual men that I can never have and your big white wall where you forced me to "look off into the distance" for a series of photographs! And fuck you, furthermore, for calling a talent agency while we stood there and asking if they had "any fresh new models, wannabe pop-stars that have just gotten into town? Oh, really? Send them over, darling!"
I lied about my measurements, by the way. I added several inches to my waist, just to prove a point. That point being, of course, that I was not asked back.
posted by jessica at 04:03 PM | Comments (0)
August 04, 2004
Which horseman would this be?
posted by jessica at 04:00 PM | Comments (2)
No hipsters were harmed at the Delancey.
There was a lovely blogfucking "Welcome to NYC" fete last night, organized by the dynamic duo of Janelle and Lockhart, where I got to meet and/or reacquaint with just about everyone. It was a lot of fun, a genuinely good time, and thanks to everyone who came out. I even scored a free gift: a much-needed subway map! Yeah, I'm an effing tourist.
It was also brought to my attention (multiple times) that I haven't updated the Blueprint in a while (gasp!), and I was chastised accordingly. Sorry to all that pretend to care, but I've been busy. I swear. Plus I'm moving this little typepad mofo over to a real domain (TBA), so I'm trying to encourage everyone to detach. Or something. I don't know. I'm lazy. Furthermore, everything on my mind -- er, that which I'm inclined to write about -- has been very "Oh, wow, look how neat NYC is, I went here and there," and I don't want this to be that sort of site. I'd rather talk about the Olsens or Michael Pitt. I just lack focus.
To satiate you in the meantime:
LOVE CONQUERS ALL, PEOPLE. Even pedophilia.
posted by jessica at 03:57 PM | Comments (2)
