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June 28, 2005

Take my sweaters, please

So I'm moving down to the 5th floor (thank you baby Jesus) and I'm doing some wardrobe minimization. As of right now, I've got 4 (going on 5) heavy garbage bags full of things I just don't need and am too pressed for time to resell. I'd haul them off to Goodwill but they're heavy and I just need to get rid this stuff ASAP.

Is there any service that comes and picks up donations? Like, in Detroit, the Purple Heart would come and pick up your donations when you called them. Does anyone know if NYC has something even half as convenient? If I simply throw all this stuff in the garbage, I'll go to hell, I just know it...

posted by jessica at 11:58 AM | Comments (0)

June 24, 2005

Upon exiting the show, they realized that they had stood far too close to the speakers.

Me: Oh my God, I can't hear a thing. I've gone deaf.
Roomie: I just said that!
Me: Huh?
Roomie: I just said I couldn't hear anything.
Me: You did?
Roomie: Yeah, like 2 seconds before you did.
Me: Oh, I didn't hear you.

posted by jessica at 01:43 AM | Comments (0)

June 21, 2005

Maybe it's just me

But MSNBC's Rita Cosby... Is she a tranny? Post-op? Not being rude, just wondering.

posted by jessica at 09:31 AM | Comments (0)

June 19, 2005

Things learned during a weekend back home:

· People walk slow.
· The Pistons are in the finals. Who knew?!
· My friends' mortgages are half the cost of my monthly rent.
· I'm supposed to be alright with waiting 90 minutes and paying $5 to drink on the roof of a sports bar overlooking a parking lot.
· Hemp necklaces are still manufactured and, in some circles, encouraged.

posted by jessica at 07:48 PM | Comments (0)

June 17, 2005

To the person who just couldn't hold it for a few more seconds:

Thanks for puking in my stairwell!

posted by jessica at 02:22 PM | Comments (0)

June 16, 2005

So I have this friend named, uh, Ann.

Ann has a sleeping disorder, which really isn't a secret, and she works really hard to manage it. She takes whatever medication she's supposed to, she abstains from whatever her doctor tells her to abstain from, and she resists the constant urge to fall asleep at her desk -- even though she slept 9 hours the night before and not taking a nap means that she will likely pass out in front of her friends around 10 that night and thus ruin her social life -- because she wants to get better.

One day Mister Doctor tells Ann that she needs to switch medication, because her previously wonderful pills are no longer so wonderful. Ann agrees, because she loves Mister Doctor. Before Ann can take new Stay Awake Pills, however, she must spend two weeks getting her body off of the old medicine. This means that, for two weeks, she sleeps. And sleeps. And sleeps. By the time she wakes up, she has no friends.

But there's hope for Ann, because she will see Mister Doctor and get her new Stay Awake Pills today! She will go 50 blocks uptown to his musty Park Avenue office, she will run in the pouring rain and slip and fall and run as fast as she can to see Mister Doctor, because oh, how she's been so patient for his help.

Except Mister Doctor isn't at his goddamned office, despite having scheduled this shitty appointment 2 weeks ago, and now Ann is stuck in the third ring of her personal hell and the only thing that's keeping her awake is the fact that she's wet like a drowned rat because of the biblical rainstorm outside. Motherfuckingfucker.

So then Ann went and ate a bunch of puppies and felt better.

posted by jessica at 06:57 PM | Comments (0)

June 13, 2005

"The judge will read the verdict and then hand it to his left -- his left -- to be read by the clerk."

I've been waiting for this damn Jackson verdict for over an hour now. Staring at CNN, as if Wolf Blitzer might actually SAY something of relevance. Thank God Robert Shapiro is good at babbling and filling the dead air time. ("If they haven't filled out the verdict forms properly, he could make them go back and fill them out...")

If OJ had sex with himself and pooped out a baby, this would be it.

posted by jessica at 05:11 PM | Comments (0)

This is the face of genuine happiness.

Gawker has a permanent co-editor, hurrah! Welcome, dear Jesse Oxfeld, to the party in my pants.

posted by jessica at 03:19 PM | Comments (0)

June 08, 2005

Listen.

Until this neighborhood's newsstands carry a single issue of Vanity Fair on the same day it comes out, I don't want to hear any bitching and moaning about "LES gentrification."

posted by jessica at 04:30 PM | Comments (0)

June 07, 2005

My shrink is going to have a field day with this.

I really did have a dream last night about Drudge answering one of my IMs. I shit you not. And in the dream, I was positively ecstatic.

posted by jessica at 11:24 AM | Comments (0)

June 06, 2005

Rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated.

Ack, okay. It was fun to leave everyone atwitter and confused for a day, but once my family starts asking me if I've lost my job, it's time to clarify things.

Rush & Molloy fucked up. Which is a shame, really, because of all the evil gossip monkeys in the world, they are perhaps the least evil -- but nevertheless, their item was "misplaced." (All could have been prevented with a simple phone call to any of us, but I suppose I shouldn't expect a columnist to do that which I rarely do myself. Then again, they get paid a helluva lot more, so maybe I should.) I thought my response to their "scoop" clarified that the column's report was way off, but anything I write before 10 AM tends to be be misguided and littered with unintentional red herrings (read: no coffee yet). Thus no one really got my response, but at least I made Chris Tennant's day a bit more weird.

Anyhow: I'm not leaving Gawker, my publisher is not looking for my replacement, nor am I moving on to other things. (I do occasionally dream of alternate versions of my life in which I am a swinging Londoner, but I've yet to have that offer from the Guardian.) Sadly, Gawker is my home right now -- and actually, it's not sad at all. It's a better home than one might think.

That was all disturbingly earnest. Sorry. Let me rephrase: You're fucking stuck with me. I'm the fat kid, the gawk is my cake, etc., etc.

posted by jessica at 11:57 PM | Comments (0)

June 03, 2005

For the record, I can be a positive person

1. Mood Magic in The Last Straw may very well eclipse Phish Food as my favorite Ben & Jerry's flavor.
2. Just saw Mr. and Mrs. Smith, which was the perfect, mindless summer flick. If Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie weren't fucking off-camera in between every take, then they are the best actors on the face of the earth.
3. The new Coldplay album is so good that it should answer any lingering confusion about whether or not the cool kids are supposed to like 'em.
4. $130 is a totally fair deal for custom-made Pumas.
5. When people send me non-hatemail but still start with "Hey Bitch," I laugh.
6. Eliza Jane is wonderful.
7. I'm in love with my Treo 650 and glad I switched to Sprint -- much less expensive than Verizon.
8. I recently stopped by the Brooklyn Industries store on Lafayette, just on a whim, and ended up with the perfect new bag for my overly-masculine laptop.
9. I'm going to my first Mets game tomorrow and hopefully catching the last day of Basquiat in Brooklyn, making me feel very "New York."
10. I think I may go outdoors now and buy some flowers.

posted by jessica at 01:54 PM | Comments (0)