« January 2008 | Main | March 2008 »

February 22, 2008

Friday night bloodlust

After a long day at work, when I come home and start setting up my Victor Electronic Mouse Trap, the last thing I'm concerned about is whether or not the damn thing "meets international humane kill standards." In fact, I hope it doesn't. I hope I hear that mouse scream, crackle, and fry. And if I don't, then I accept that I'll probably have to suck it up and just get some regular old mouse traps. But I at least want to try electrocuting the motherfuckers first.

posted by jessica at 07:47 PM | Comments (0)

February 19, 2008

Or maybe I just had the appropriate, "pissed-off local" look on my face

The other day, I was stopped by lost out-of-towners and asked for directions not once, but TWICE over the course of three blocks. I'm convinced that this was because I was wearing slouchy boots.

posted by jessica at 03:04 PM | Comments (0)

February 01, 2008

And how was your day?

Today I may have spit out the most pithy caption I've ever written.

posted by jessica at 09:29 PM | Comments (0)

On life there versus here

I mean, the people elsewhere are doing the same things I'm doing: waking up hungover, dealing with soul-crushingly quotidian tasks like shaving and taking vitamins and smoking and sitting under fluorescent lights for nine hours until they can go home, etc. But we do it at a much faster speed here, because everything is so important. I think what's so depressing about Real America is when you look at what you do at half-speed you realize, holy shit, who gives a fuck? I'd rather be kept in my cocoon of intensity, where it seems like all the ridiculous stuff I'm bouncing around each day actually, you know, matters.

Also, people are much fatter there.

-Balk on why I became such a snob when I moved to New York.

posted by jessica at 01:25 PM | Comments (0)